I'm Doing Good

I really struggled with a lot of emotions last week, as you can plainly see from my last blog posting. So on Sunday afternoon, I spoke with someone at my church. I just had to do it, I had to find out what God's take was on all of this, and most importantly what happened to my little one. The idea of not knowing how long the baby did make it left me with so many unanswered questions. And thankfully, I found the answer right where I knew I would.

Catherine was her name, and like so many of us, she too had a miscarriage. Hers was about a year ago, but she knew EXACTLY what I was feeling. She is a member of the Elizabeth Ministry. A ministry that was developed just for the struggles and joys of motherhood. And boy, don't we all know how many of those there are! She was amazing and just what I needed.

She let me tell my story through teary eyes and her compassion was incredible. We prayed together and talked a lot. And even before I could ask the burning question she gave me the answer I needed..."your little one, no matter how far along it developed, went straight to heaven with an untarnished soul." And just like that, I felt a sense of peace, relief and even a bit of joy. She followed with "those are words straight from our Monsignor's lips".

Wow, our baby's beautiful soul made it to heaven! And I don't have to care how far along I was or when the pregnancy failed, regardless of any of that, Clay and I made an untarnished soul and it is now in heaven. I know Clay and I have many more years on this Earth (God willing), but just think what we have waiting for us in heaven. I mean really think about it... what a beautiful and amazing surprise we get to meet one day!

As we were parting, Catherine gave me this touching miscarriage prayer to take with me. I have read it every night since I got it and each time it brings me just a bit more peace in my heart.

Last week if you had asked me, 'how I was doing?', I would have said 'okay'. This week I can honestly say, 'I'm doing good", "not great, but still good". Good is a nice place to be right now. And now I know, without a doubt, my little one is in an even a nicer place...and that feels really good!

Miscarriage Poem

Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.

- Mother M. Angelica