
One year ago today, God welcomed a beautiful angel baby into this world. And although everything was planned for her birth, we never could have planned for the joy she would bring to this family. Nor could we have planned for how "unplanned" the actual birth was going to be.
One month before Maggie's arrival, I was sitting in Dr. Carroll's office picking out her birth date. She was due on November 13th, another "13" baby is what she was suppose to be, but since I had to undergo a C-section, we would be taking her early. I hated the idea of kicking Maggie out before she was ready and even more so, before I was ready. But, it was the way things had to be. So when I was given a list of possible dates that Dr. Carroll was in surgery, I picked the closest one to Maggie's actual due date... Monday, November 9th, 2009.
I am such a planner, so it would seem natural that I would like to have my daughter's arrival planned too. But, for me, it's the one thing I always felt shouldn't be scheduled. I wanted Maggie to come on her own time, because God knows I would be scheduling her sweet little life as soon as she arrived. So the month preceding the C-section date was exciting, emotional, and even hard. The anticipation was more than I could handle at times. I had a list of things that I wanted done before November 9th, I tried to sleep as much as I could because November 9th was coming, and I spent lots of extra time with Jack because on November 9th everything would change. I even cried and worried myself to death...how was I going to love two and have time for two children? It was a lot to count down to.
Looking back, all those feelings and tears seem so silly. I didn't even have to try to love Maggie--it was an instant love. And it was glorious!
My C-section was scheduled for 7:30 a.m. Try sleeping the night before that. We had to arrive at the hospital 2 hours early. That's 5:30--did I ever mention, I am not a morning person? Clay and I traveled down the dark interstate as my anxiety ate me away to the bones. Jack was home safely with his Grammy and Grampa and I already missed him. Oddly, we didn't talk much-- I wonder if we were both scared. Again, it seems so silly now, but, I have to be honest about my feelings. We arrived on time, checked in, anxiety still eating away at me and were placed in an OR waiting room. I put on a gown and tried to rest in the hospital bed.
And this is where the unplanned started. Clay pulled out the camera, one hour till show time, and attempted to take one last pregnant picture of me. The camera clicked, gurgled, and shut off. This could not be happening. How could my camera break on one of the most important days of our lives? In utter panic, Clay rushed out the hospital doors to the nearest CVS to buy a disposable camera. I laid in my hospital bed taking the camera apart and putting it back together over and over again. Somehow, by the grace of God, after I had almost given up, it worked! I could not have imagined taking my baby's first pictures with a throw away camera. Thank you lord!
Next thing we knew it was time for the epidural and surgery prep. The nurse walked in, announced it was time to go the OR and in I walked. Yes, I walked into the OR, in a hospital gown, to give birth to Maggie. Not sure why I find that so incredibly odd, but somehow I was expecting to be rolled in there or at least put in a wheel chair, not walking. That seems to be something, pre-Maggie's birth, that sticks in my head--me walking into the ice cold OR room.
An anesthesiologist was there to meet me with my epidural. Never could I have known how that one little needle would change the "planned" birth. With minutes to go, Dr. Carroll greeted me with her always warm smile and put me at ease. Here we go, I thought, we are minutes from meeting Maggie. I remember everything going through my head, when I could still think clearly, how big will she be? or how tiny-since we are taking her early?, will she have reflux?, will she have hair?, is she really even a girl?. Then before I could think a minute longer the dreaded epidural kicked in.
First the loss of feeling started at my hips, then my legs, and then my feet. All the while I could here Dr. Carroll and her partner making small talk behind the sheet. At this point Clay arrived in his scrubs and I remember letting out slight giggle. I was so happy to see him though--we were in this together. Then I started losing feeling in my arms, my torso, and even my chest. I complained about feeling like I had a ton of bricks on my chest. I kept trying to sit up, but I couldn't. It was an awful feeling. And before I knew it, I was nauseated...and I mean, bad. I can not describe the feeling of having to throw up and not being able to move all at the same time--it is horrendous. It is something I will NEVER forget.
The nurses doused me with cold wash cloths and held a bucket by my mouth. (I'm so sorry Maggie that this part of your birth was not very beautiful, but you made up for it.) They were injecting me with anti-nausea meds and an IV of fluids. I literally could not move--I was dead weight. And to be truthful, it was not only miserable, it was downright scary.
After I was semi-stabilized, for lack of a better word, the C-section began. And before I knew it at 7:49 a.m. on November 9th, 2009, Clay cut the umbilical cord and Dr Carroll handed my baby over to one of the nurses standing near by. I heard, "what a big baby", and "look at that hair", but I did not hear a cry. I was still reeling with nausea and lack of movement, but I had to know..."is she really a girl?" when I received that confirmation, I then asked, "why isn't she crying?". After a couple slaps on the back and "come on baby" by the nurses and Doctors, at a side table where I could plainly see, she was wailing. Thank God again!

I remember glancing over at her and I was in awe of how big she was... I mean she looked huge and perfect and just like she belonged to us. I cried and smiled and longed to hold her. She was here! I had to wait for them to weigh her, wash her, and check her vitals. And then after what seemed like forever, Clay brought my angel baby over to my bedside and announced she weighed 8lbs 10 ozs. I was still laying flat and still vomiting into the bucket, but I will never forget her in that moment. I do not lie, when I say it was instant love. Then I questioned, how I could ever love her more, and looking back, that was another silly feeling, because it's been very easy to do.
I was taken to the recovery room shortly after. Maggie was taken away again, but they returned her pretty quickly. What was suppose to be a 30 minute stay in the recovery room lasted an entire two hours. Just me, Clay, and our Magpie. It seems the epidural had really taken a toll on me. My blood pressure dropped significantly, my temperature was very low, and I was plain sick. The nurses layered me in heating blankets, kept the IV going, and gave me more and more anti-nausea meds. I was determined to nurse Maggie in those first few moments. I did, and she ate beautifully, and then I passed her back to Clay so I could vomit again.
Hours later when we finally made it to the safety and comfort of our hospital room, I was feeling better. Not great, but the best I had since 7:15 that morning. And this is when I truly got to enjoy and dote over my new baby girl. She was literally perfect. A tiny tuft of dark hair, a picture perfect little nose, and precious heart shaped lips. I topped her crown with a pink hat. It was official, we were a family of 4 with a baby girl!
Maggie and I spent the next 5 days in the hospital recovering from one of the worst experiences of my life that turned into one of the most best outcomes of my life. After the first night, Clay went home, Jack needed him, and Maggie and I needed some bonding time. Clay spent the days with us in the hospital and the evenings at home with the other love of my life. In those 5 days, something magical happened between Maggie and I. We fell in love with each other...a deep, unbreakable, perfect love. I could never describe in words what grew in my heart that week and the elation that overcame me. It was truly magical--a real gift from God. And in looking back, I should have known then, that Maggie was going to be my separation anxiety baby.
So to my dear Maggie, you were worth every nauseating moment of November 9th, 2009. And I would welcome you into the world, with open arms, all over again. I love you with every ounce of my being. Happy 1st Birthday my Love bug!