Decisions Decisions

As a parent I'm always finding myself  having to make decisions.  Decisions that are in the best interest of my kids.  It's not always easy.  And I certainly find myself questioning if what I am doing is "right".

Clay and I found ourselves in a bit of decision debacle.  Luckily the debacle part is over.  We've made a final decision.  One that I think we are both confident in.  And now, I suppose it's time to share that decision, if you don't already know.

We have decided, after much pro and con weighing, to give Jack the gift of another year in Kindergarten.  I feel it's important that we share this as a new school year approaches.

So how did we get there?  Well, it pretty much started Fall of last year.  My gut kept saying it just wasn't time.  But, my head questioned my gut and my 'just had a baby' hormone crazy self.  As a former, Kindergarten and First grade teacher, you would have thought this was a no brainer for me.  But, it was far from that.

He's tall.  He's super bright {and I can say that confidently with my credentials, not just as his mother}.  And he is an April birthday.  That stinkin' Spring birthday.  Not an obvious summer hold back...just right there on the line.

So we went forward last year.

By September, I felt I had made a mistake.  Oh, he was doing fine academically and loving e..v..e..r..y minute of it, but he was tired.  I mean really tired {like naps after school tired}.  And he was realizing rather quickly that he was, and I quote, "the second youngest kid in the class".  Then the being "second youngest in the class" turned into, "the other kids are faster than me because they are older, the other kids are smarter than me because they are older" and so on and so on.  His confidence was suffering.

Obviously none of this was true.  Jack is just so, well, bright and in his head, that he was picking up on the age thing rather quickly.

I beat myself up over it.  I deemed myself as a failure of a mother.  And I concluded, that I had ruined his life and we had to live with the decision we had made.

By December {right about the time I started getting the hang of the Lucy thing}, I had myself in his classroom every opportunity I could get.  I did see the age thing and the confidence issue as a source of concern.  But, I was also very ill impressed with the way his classroom was run.  It was doing nothing for my rule bound, keep quiet until I'm called on, don't let anyone know how smart I am, kiddo.  {I also think it is worth noting that if Jack is comfortable in any given environment i.e. home, those character traits go out the window}.

So here I was again, mid winter, questioning it all again.

We headed back to school after Christmas break and for the first time in 80 something days, I confidently felt Jack was READY for Kindergarten.  Hmmm...there was that six month birthday delay issue again.

I basically put the whole thing out of my head and decided what was done was done and this was just a challenge we would have to live with.

Fast forward to Spring, we are sitting at the dinner table and Jack says, "Mommy, I want to do Kindergarten again.  Then I can be the oldest in my class and the smartest and help the other kids.".

And just like that...Wah Lah...the seed was planted. Now, would I have entertained this idea of his if it weren't already in the back of my mind?  Certainly not.  But, to me it seemed God just wanted Jack to verbalize what I had already known at that exact moment before the opportunity was missed.

Clay and I discussed the possibility of the Kindergarten gift.  We debated and researched.  We conferenced with staff at his school and were only met with resistance based on his intelligence.   But, we were fully supported in our decision.  In fact, both female administrators said they had regretted not making the same decision with their sons.

At the start of summer, we gave Jack the great news...He had been chosen to go to Kindergarten again to be a helper!  And all was well in his world complete with that boyish grin I, oh so, love.

This story does have a happy ending.  And I'm pretty sure it will have a very happy beginning too.  Did I ever look back though?  Of course.  And not only that, I mourned the loss of a year that never really had to be.  I could have had my Jack home with me all along.

But, I am confident in my hormone free gut this time.  It just feels right this year.  Not to mention, I get  a do over in Kindergarten.  My favorite grade.  Who could ask for more?

So with all that said, Kindergarten here we come...again! {I just love saying that!}  And now you know.